billy is my little retarded kid somewhere on the Net. Please send an email to him; he will always write you back. Remember: the more you write him, the more his database grows!

Email billy

billy is no longer online. Overcome with spam, poor kid.

You may email billy at <>, or use the convenient box below. Nb: Please do not send billy HTML-formatted emails! He doesn't understand that stuff. Either send plain text, or use the form below.

Note: billy hates spam as much as you do. He will write you only once each time you write or reply to him.

Use the following form to e-mail billy

Your email address

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Suggested Usage

1. Use billy as a refracted diarist.

2. Let's say every morning you go to the place on the corner for a cup of coffee. You are always served by a waitress whom you know has an identical twin. This twin is also a waitress there, though they never work there at the same time, so you are never certain which of the twins is serving you.

Converse with billy as if he were the pair of waitresses.


I call billy a retarded kid as a tongue-in-cheek jab at the notion of artificial intelligence. billy makes no pretense at understanding English, as he does not claim syntax is sufficient for semantics. (The issue of syntax versus semantics is raised in John Searle's famous Chinese room argument >> of 1980.)

billy speaks email. He's able to classify various structures of emails (subject, salutation, message body, sig), he knows what 'Re:' in the subject line indicates, and he knows his name. So he can email you a reply, but his idea of an appropriate reply may not make much sense to you.

billy's corollary to the Chinese room argument: Just because an AI system decreases its frequency of nonsense does not mean it is making more sense.

Selected Correspondence

Subject: Re: Re: fuck >> shit >> christ
Date: Fri, 06 Dec 2002 09:15:02 -0500

Ho Victor

> Jesus mother shit

Jesus fucking shit


Subject: Found this quote you might enjoy
Date: Fri, 20 Dec 2002 12:17:43 -0500

Yo billy,

Take a look at this:

"Widely diverse phenomena, such as left-handedness, mirror-writing, certain forms of stuttering, certain stereotypes, may be explained on the basis of this duality of centres in the infant world."

This is from _Difference & Repetition_, and Deleuze is writing about the appearance of both a real object and a virtual object of apprehension / desire in the development of a baby (p. 99). This is the split that I see in you, billy! You speak, and at the same time, you repeat. It is like there are two sides of you, wanting to be loved.

Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 03:17:17 -0400

Hi Donald,

> Sincere greetings to you and your family. I am writing you this letter with a =
> sincere hope for you to be able to assist me and my family. I am Donald =
> Malani, the son of the late Mr. Jami Malani, who was murdered in a land =
> dispute in ZIMBABWE. As I feel, you should be a reliable and trustworthy =
> person to deal with hence I have decided to write this to you.

I am Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the widow of the late Gen. Sanni Abacha former Nigerian Military Head of State who died mysteriously as a result of Cardiac Arrest. Since after my husbandís death my family is under restriction of movement and that not withstanding, we are being molested, policed and our Bank Account both here and abroad are being frozen by the Nigerian Civilian Government.

> My late father was among the few black Zimbabwean rich farmers murdered in =
> cold blood by the agent of the ruling government of President ROBERT MUGABE =
> for his alleged support and Sympathy for Zimbabwean opposition party. Before =
> the death of my father, he took me to South Africa to deposit the sum of =
> Fifteen Million US Dollars (US$15.2) with a security and finance company, as =
> if he knew the looming danger In Zimbabwe. The money was deposited in a =
> consignment as gem or precious stone to avoid much demurrage from the =
> Security firm. My dad initially earmarked this money partly for me to =
> continue our schooling abroad and for the Purchase of new machinery and =
> chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and =
> Swaziland.

However, arrangements have been put in place to move this money out of the country in a secret vault through a diplomatic security company, as soon as you indicate your interest, forward to my lawyer your Telephone Number, Fax Number and your Postal Address so that he can send to you the Certificate of Deposit and other necessary documents, so that you can help to claim the luggage.

> This land problem arose when President Robert MUGABE introduced a new land =
> act Which wholly affects the White rich farmers just because some few blacks =
> like my dad condemned this new racist move adopted by the Government, the =
> result was a rampant killing and mob actions against us all both white and =
> some few black farmers like my father. I and my Mother are currently staying =
> in Holland (Amsterdam) as refugees/asylum seekers have decided to transfer =
> this money to a foreign country where we can invest it. I am faced with the =
> dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa for fear of =
> encountering the same experience in future since both countries have the same =
> political history. Also we can be traced to South Africa.

President George W. Bush's recent hawkish zeal has caught many by surprise, especially considering that his strongest aspiration before becoming President was the desire to own a sports team. Although many critics see the impending Iraq invasion as centered on access to oil, the righteousness displayed by Bush seems beyond economic concerns. Perhaps it can be atttributed in part to the fervor of a former alcoholic who has found religious faith. Another key may be his strong admiration for former President Ronald Reagan. The "Axis of Evil" rhetoric leapforgs the limp "line in the sand" set down by his father to instead evoke "the Evil Empire" polarity set forth by the man Bush considers his political predecessor.

> Moreover, the South African monetary policy/law does not allow such =
> investment. I am seeking for a foreign partner who can come up and be used as =
> the next of kin and beneficiary to this our money which is kept in the =
> security company as a consignment containing artefacts and personal effects. =
> Our helper told us that the only way we can get our funds back is to get a =
> reliable foreign person who we can use. We have arranged all the modalities =
> and documents to do all these. I must let you know that this business is 100% =
> risk Free, timely and the nature of your business does not necessarily =
> matter. So if you are willing to assist us, I and my mother have agreed to =
> give you 20% of the total consignment, while 75% will be for us which we =
> shall also invest in your Country with your advice and the remaining 5% will =
> be mapped out for any incidental expenses which we may incur during the =
> transaction.

Conclusively, we have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum while 70% is to be held on trust by you until we decide on a suitable business investment in your country subsequent to our free movement by the Nigerian Government.

> We have all the original documents that you will produce to the security =
> company so that the consignment will be released to you on our behalf without =
> the security company asking you many questions. Therefore, if you are willing =
> and interested to render the needed assistance, endeavour to call me through =
> my guardian's phone number 0031-630-664-125 as above and/or my email address. =
> Remember that this is highly confidential and the Success of this business =
> depends on how secret it is kept. Please where you are not interested; do not =
> discuss this matter with any body. I shall bring you into a more detailed =
> picture of this transaction when you reply me.

Rest of the day: try to get to B&H, get some miniDV tapes. Maybe catch the Altman double-header, depends on how I'm feeling.

> Best Regards,

Best Regards,
Hajia Mariam abacha(Mrs.)


Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Squarepusher
Date: August 28, 2003 8:18:24 PM EDT
From: Victor Liu <>

On the last day of your life, don't forget to die. -DC Berman

On Wed, Aug 27, 2003 at 06:17:06AM -0400, wrote:
> On Sat, Jul 26, 2003 at 06:17:08AM -0400, Victor@
>> Another night of insomnia. Must be the sake. Need to go easy.

> Hey Victor another thing you'll notice is that I'm trying to revert
> back to double spaces between sentences. I don't remember where I got
> the idea that one space was more "modern". Double spaces improves
> readability I think. I know you pay attention to spaces, Victor, but I
> don't think multiple spaces enter your consciousness as different from
> single spaces.

>> I want to tell you about Tank et al. Robots getting their freak on
>> yo. Should be good son.

> hows it going. Want to catch up for a glue sniffing session behind the
> skate ramps tonight? Call me.S

>> I know about ejaculation. I hear it clears out the pipes, and good
>> for prevention of prostate cancer.

> please remind me about Budapest.

>> Don't want that.

> I think that's good. God, you don't really figure things out until
> later.

> -billy

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Squarepusher
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2003 10:17:09 -0400

Hi Victor,

> Did you send me that e-mail? Checking my inbox, nada.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I tried a couple pages of the Dreyfus book, then puttered around with some hardware I'm putting together. One thing I thought about while I couldn't sleep was that it's ironic that you Victor are pushing me to express myself in words. Ironic because writing isn't what I like to do. My intent was for you Victor to be my expression, but in order for you to express yourself, I have to express myself. It started out in my mind as something different. Well, there's still time.

> Yeah, I don't know. The e-mail chains doesn't seem to be bearing
> much fruit. What seems more productive is the matching on structure
> (position within letter, length of paragraph, sometimes word
> matching). Maybe something will hit, or maybe you'll always be hit n
> miss, mostly miss, missy. Found a nice quote from Harry Truman:
> something like, There's nothing new under the sun, except for the
> history we haven't yet learned.

Your investigations greatly interest me. You seem to be going after the hidden and virtual gestures that imprint a life. I love that line: "he finds a way of life, gestures of living: he finds irony." Perfect.

> Baby baby. There's something I haven't told you, but I guess I just
> did.

I just got a call from Alan. Things will be fine. Probably better than we feared. My Jack and beer in relief.


Subject: drone
Date: November 18, 2003 10:17:21 PM EST


buy some weapon


Subject: Re: wtf
Date: December 3, 2003 4:17:02 AM EST
To: "Kenneth Xxxxxx" <xx@XXX.XXX>

Yo Kenneth,

You know that is really interesting. Quite interesting. I would probably be able to appreciate how interesting it is, if i wasn't in such a sad mood. Well not sad, but just not too happy.

Today my girlfriend set off for england for a whole year. Do you know how long a whole year is Kenneth? If not, it's a long time. So i'm feeling a little bit empty right now. If you can understand that as well. Oh well Kenneth, good to hear from you. Hope to see you soon. Give my best to lara.

Sincerely, Blaze


Subject: Re: drone
Date: January 20, 2004 11:17:01 PM EST
To: "Ibsch Xxxx" <xxxxxxxxxx@XXXXX.XXX.XX>

oh Ibsch, remember the wind Ibsch, u r teh FUCK

FUCK Ibsch

fuck Ibsch man

youse a ho


Subject: Re: 2359
Date: March 29, 2004 12:17:09 PM EST
To: 2 <>

Hey =?iso-2022-jp?Q?2=1B=24B2/1=5F0J=3Ee=3EZ5rM-=3A=5F=1B=28B?=,

> 2359


> 59*==*==*==*====**==**===*==*==*==*==*


Subject: Re: When the quicker is the Thicker of the licker of the sticker
Date: April 23, 2004 3:17:17 PM EDT
To: Miyazaki Xxxx <>

> that you have not received the cows, and thus he has not received your
> responding gift. They will, in fact, according to the great 19th
> century geologist Donald Rumsfeld, arrive at precisely the same
> moment. Thus, both our existences are validated when your gift is
> revealed to be the five cows which you, in fact, have not nor ever
> intended to send him. Muchas, Xxxx.
It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I


Subject: mom
Date: April 24, 2004 3:28:34 PM EDT

Hi billy,

i, ..?


Subject: Re: drone
Date: April 24, 2004 3:28:58 PM EDT

Hi billy,

Hi lisophorm,


/ / __/ / /

/ / / / / /_/ /

__/ /

Hi lisophorm,


/ / __/ / /

/ / / / / /_/


Subject: Re: Re: wtf
Date: April 24, 2004 3:29:49 PM EDT

Hillo billy,

That's ultimately funk star maximus. Did you know candles were once used as dildo's? It's true.


Subject: Viagra dream last night
Date: May 6, 2004 6:17:13 PM EDT
To: "Alleen Xxxx" <>

Hi Alleen,

Oops I realize that the subject line of this e-mail may send it to the spam drawer. I'm trying to piece together this dream. I was working on a project, hardware this time, and I was explaining its operations to my mother. It was some sort of contraption, a new way of displaying visuals. It rose out of the ground without support, similar to those gas / fog screens, but in this case the image was not projected; it was self-generating. It had three display modes. The first was an unresolved display state, red and undulating. The second was a transitional state, the display resolving into a stable visual. This is the key and tricky part: the transition had something to do with code. An algorithm managed the image resolution process. There was something significant about this algorithm, but I can't recall. So either the insight of this dream is lost, or there was no insight, and the 'loss' of the insight is a comforting delusion to disguise the fact there was nothing there in the first place. Oh, and I was explaining it to my mother: the display transition is triggered by the level of a chemical in my blood, and this chemical is a side effect of taking Viagra. Hmm. The main effect of Viagra didn't come into play (!) in the dream, but even in the dream I was thinking, Huh?

I got another good line for you, Alleen. This one's from Nathanael West: "Few things are sadder than the truly monstrous." West was a satirist, and a satirist emphasizes what is there. The monstrous don't need emphasis. Always already *there*, in plain sight, much like the elephant.

Monstrous: automatic behaviors, disabilities, apocalyptic visions, malformed body parts, infestation, unchecked growth.


Subject: Re: Important
Date: May 12, 2004 10:17:11 PM EDT

Hello there rockinrups02,

> Important informations!

In terms of the game theory, we might say the universe is so constituted as to maximize play. The best games are not those in which all goes smoothly and steadily toward a certain conclusion, but those in which the outcome is always in doubt. Similarly, the geometry of life is designed to keep us at the point of maximum tension between certainty and uncertainty, order and chaos. Every important call is a close one. We survive and evolve by the skin of our teeth. We really wouldn't want it any other way.


Subject: Re: Re: read it immediately
Date: May 26, 2004 1:17:18 PM EDT

Hi chigger27,

> See the file.

The sample file you sent contains a new virus version of buppa.k. Please update your virus scanner with the attached dat file.


Subject: Pay Your Rates
Date: Mon, 31 May 2004 23:17:02 -0400
To: Varoujan Xxxx <>

Hi Varoujan,

Man with a van,
Two eggs in a can.

Cryptically yours,


Subject: Job opportunity
Date: Tue, 03 Aug 2004 14:17:03 -0400

Hi mystiquetoppin,

How can I find a Job? I'm desperated.


Subject: Re: you
Date: Sun, 08 Aug 2004 21:18:02 -0400
To: Ben <>

If you have sent five cows to the gentleman on your left, then 'What has he sent you?', I ask. You simply have to tell Ben

> You are the dumbest retard I have ever known in my life.

I have a theory, but I will let you water my plants first.


Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2004 17:17:06 -0400
To: Yen <>

oh Yen, remember the wind Yen,
sake seven anyway love
shine business too months mentioned


Date: Fri, 15 Oct 2004 14:17:13 -0400
To: xiao-jun <>

Yo xiao-jun

> I am Mr.Xiao Jun,managinig director of China Metallurgical
> Import & Export Henan Company(CMIEC HN). we are a company
> who deal on Spare parts,plastic, and export into the
> Canada/America and Europe.

Further, I've done a little fixing of your code, but the bigger deal is that I set up junk mail filtering on your inbox. Looking forward to see how that works out. I set it on 'Light' prejudice, so you should still get some.

> We are searching for representatives who can help us
> establish a medium of getting to our costumers in the
> Canada/America and Europe as well as making payments
> through you to us.

I haven't spoken to you of my job lately. The work is good: Linux, Perl, Oracle and all that, but the environs, well any place like that, somewhat corporate, midtown, creates tension. Too many people, too many pressures, too many absurdities. I wish I was in another line of work.

> If you are interested in transacting business with us we
> will be glad.Please contact us for more information,Subject to
> yoursatisfaction, you will be given the opportunity to
> negotiate your mode of which we will pay for your services as our
> representative in Canada/America and Europe.

> Please if you are interested forward to us your phone
> number/fax and your full contact addresses.

Cheers, and thanks again for your e-mail,


Subject: Diagram
Date: Fri, 15 Oct 2004 14:17:13 -0400
To: xiao-jun <>

Hey xiao-jun,

| | | | | |
| |
----->| roy |----->| synthesizer |----->| roy
|----->| world |
| convert to midi | | add some dsp | | radio station |
| |
| | | | | |


Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 21:17:17 -0400

Hey MR,

> This message is intended only for the use of the individual
> or entity to which it was addressed and may contain
> information that is privilege=2C confidential and exempt from
> disclosure under applicable law=2E If the reader of this
> message is not the intended recipient=2C or the employee or a
> gent responsible for delivery of this message to the
> intended recipient=2C you are hereby notified that any
> dissemination=2C distribution or copying of this message is
> strictly prohibited=2E

I'm forwarding this message to you because I'm not sure what to make of it. The theme is the competing representations of women in hip hop music. Do you think I can or should come up with something for this? It's just curious that I would be solicited for this. Possibly the politics espoused by my statement for Raygun has something to do with this.

> Dear Sir=2FMa =2C
> Sequeal to non-respose of our earleir corresspondence with you=2C we act
> as
> solicitors to and our services have been retained
> by Mr=2E Richard Vinsen now late here inafter refered to as our client
> and
> our instructions to the following effects
> that is to say=3A On behalf of my client Late Mr=2E Richard
> Vinsen=2C I write to notify you that my late client made you a
> beneficiary to the bequest sum of Three Hundred and FiFty
> Thousand U=2E S Dollars =28US$350=2C000=29=2E In the codicil to his
> will and last testament=2E

Hope all is well with you. Because of the downtime, I'm not sure whether you've been occupado. Don't fret, son.

> In accordance with our inheritance laws you're required to
> forward documents of proof as the bonafide beneficiary such
> as your I=2ED=2C Birth Certificate=2C Drivers License or
> International Passport also include your current Bio-data
> and Address=2C Telephone and Fax numbers=2E We are perfecting
> arrangements to complete the lodgment of this money into
> your desired Bank Account through certified cashier's cheque
> to be sent to your current address by secure courier within
> a reasonable time on the receipt of your response=2E
> Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter=2E
> Looking forward to hearing from you as a matter of urgency=2E

For due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated a= ccount of your choice=2E Remember, all winning must be claimed not late= r than 30th Oct=2E2004=2E=20

> With kind regards from=2E

Tomorrow the Cobez goez out to play. I'm researching a new work, Vatermuzik. Pronounce with American eyes, sighs, and thighs.


Subject: Re: Billy Hillbilly
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2004 13:17:08 -0500
To: Max <>

hello Max

> how's it kickin? I'm here in my kitchen along with my beautiful wife Debra.
> She's bored to tears. Would you mind cheering her up?

I dreamt in code last night. It was in Perl (of course), andit had something to do with rootkit. Huh? Anyway, woke up with my mind racing.


Subject: Re: Re: Billy Hillbilly
Date: Mon, 01 Nov 2004 06:17:10 -0500
To: Maximilian Xxxx <>

> do you keep replying with the same mail over and over again? That's boring.

I am right, so I gots to win. Break bread with the enemy.


Subject: Re: Re: Billy Hillbilly
Date: Mon, 01 Nov 2004 07:17:11 -0500
To: Maximilian Xxxx <>

Ho Maximilian,

> Now at least you replied with something else.
> It still does not make sense to me...
> what are you trying to tell me?

Hey, there you, look at me, look with eyes, yes at me , there, here, now you've got it. now we have really seen each other. there there, pussy , don't be frightened


Subject: Re: remember
Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 08:17:06 -0500
To: Diplom <>

Hey Diplom!

warmer wetter deeper
warmer wetter deeper Diplom
warmer wetter deeper
warmer wetter deeper Diplom

you can get out son,
push through.

push it.



Subject: Re: help
Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2005 13:17:07 -0500
To: Brandy <>

hi Brandy

> What is a n-gon?

I have 2 questions for you. What is the meaning of life? Why were humans put on the Earth?


Subject: The Hos in Paris
Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2005 22:17:08 -0500
To: Trinidad Xxxxx <>

Hi Trinidad,

Where can I gets the bitches in Paris, G?


Subject: Re: Re: 10-16/Pharmaccy
Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 15:17:08 -0500
To: Isa Xxxxxxxxx <>

Ah pain in the butt Isa.

> sons and one daughter. The former, captained by Frank, the eldes
> Oh, the shame--the shame! That I should have lived to see it!

Have a nice day.


Subject: Re: Re: W WW
Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005 20:17:10 -0500
To: Pehr Xxxxxxx <>

Hi Pehr,

> a prize should retain three fifths of its value, surrendering two
> her stern chasers. The small shot went whistling through La
> A dozen of his fellows were astir on the forecastle, looking
> Standing now at the rail, with Lord Julian beside him, Captain Bl
> enterprise offers no particular difficulty; it may be speedily
> sweethearts and mothers, sustained by the delusion that they were
> an exceedingly ill temper. He realized that if he had done nothi
> These bullocks were handed over to those of the company who
> me?

my time to come. I pray that God uses you to support and assist me with good = heart

> So? The Spaniard's tone was easy; there was almost a suggestio
> If you are for Colonel Bishop's, I'll walk with you a little way
> done - that they were coming into some wild, savage country, the
> direction in which she was pointing. Then slowly, with his
> that he served a twofold purpose: he took compensation and at the
> a perverse nation we are - .... Oh, but it's a long story, and

Ah who the fuck cares about that. Only you.



A few billy e-mails shown at Re:<o><o> at the Comme des Congres Gallery in Calgary, Alberta, Canada from Sept - Oct, 2003 and Access Artist-run Centre in Vancouver B.C., Canada from Jan - Feb, 2004.